10 Things I Hate About Assassin’s Creed Unity

This is what happens when you overdo a franchise. Just like movies, some games don’t deserve so many sequels that they lose their basic essence. The first few Assassin’s Creed games figuratively blew my mind but as the franchise advanced further, the games began to grow more redundant and repetitive. Now AC Unity is the EIGHTH installment of this series, and in my honest opinion it is by far one of the worst sequels I have played.

Assassin's Creed Unity

The following are the reasons why I despise this one so much: 

1: Master of Horrendous Glitches
Ubisoft, next time don’t be so greedy that you release a game so unprepared for worldwide release that you eventually have to make a public apology and then make your customers download an additional 7 GB update just coz you were too lazy to provide a high quality game on time. But on a lighter note, those glitches were darn hilarious! Turning the characters into skeleton/hollow-man monsters, giving Arno long shiny Thor-like hair, creating hair webbings, dissolving into walls and turning into a an abnormal pile of boneless crap when the player dies. Yep, these were priceless 😀

Assassin's Creed Glitches

Please learn something from Rockstar. They are delaying the release of GTA V on PC again and again just because they want their customers to have the exact same perfect/glitch-free/flawless experience that all PS4 and Xbox One users have gotten.

2. Hatefully Redundant Storyline
Ukkhh, there’s no more Desmond then why are you people dragging this story so much?? Just get it over with already! We get it! Templars are evil and Assassins are good. Templars wanna take over the world and Assassins wanna stop them. Every AC game now begins from the same shitty spot where the Assassins recruit some bored a-hole who doesn’t have the ability of speech and ask him to become some virtual ancestor of Desmond, find clues, kill people and stop the Templars; but wait, you have to do it real quick because the Templars are on your trail and they’ll shut you down if they catch you. Boo-frikkin’-Hoo!

As for in the Animus, it’s again the same repetitive storyline that almost all previous games had. You play as Arno Dorian, a Parisian cocky pervert who has some daddy issues, eventually loses his girlfriend, Assassins recruit him and he becomes their errand-boy/mule who does whatever he’s commanded to do. Yep, that’s pretty much it. I’ve gone halfway through the game but I already know how its gonna end.

3. So-Called Parkour
The developers claimed the gameplay will be better than ever; there will be new and improved combat, advanced stealth system and most interesting of all: PARKOUR! But sadly I was disappointed by all of them. The biggest let down was the (air quotes) “parkour”! I thought I’ll get to explore the city with some “rad moves” but it was 99% exactly the same kind of experience as the previous games. The 1% difference was that Arno now climbed buildings in much more unrealistic ways which didn’t seem logically plausible. The physics of this game is seriously Effed Up!

4. No Excitedness About Online Gaming
I’m not an online gaming fan, I like to play on my own in privacy. But yes my brother is a huge online gaming buff and this is the first time I’ve seen him completely unexcited by the thought of it’s cooperative multiplayer. He said (and I quote) “The only difference in its single-player and multiplayer would be that will get to do the same old boring sh*t in this boring a** city with three other miserably bored people.”

’nuff said.

5. Excruciatingly Irritating Gameplay
In Assassin’s Creed Unity, travelling on the streets is cumbersome and travelling through the rooftops is irritating. The streets are literally like a “machli mandi” (Fish Market). I get it, it’s the French Revolution and everyone is out and about. But WHY does EVERYONE have to be out on the streets? After every 2 seconds you have to push and shove through a massive crowd. It gets really tiresome. And the parkour is another story! As I complained before the parkour is stupid, but it’s also a pain in the butt. He climbs on things I don’t want him to climb. Goddammit Arno, I don’t want you to climb on every single vase, bench, table, arm of a chair that comes in your way, and adding to the annoyance you take a million years to get off of them.

And the rooftops, haha oh the rooftops! When I want him to grab a ledge he NEVER grabs that ledge; when I don’t want him to jump off and die he goes and does exactly that; and when I want him to enter a window he does everything in his power to dance around it but never enter it.

6. Overpopulated Map and Its Thousands of Collectibles
Tell me something. When you see this map, do you get excited by the thought of collecting a thousand so different kinds of collectibles orrrr do you see a lot of gibberish?

Assassin's Creed Unity Map

This map is so obscured by these bajillion difference kinds of icons that it scares the hell out of me! In the previous games their used to be one or two different kinds of treasure chests and two or three different kinds of collectible items; but now you get 4 different kinds of chests, 5 different kinds of side missions, and 4 different kinds of collectibles. You might be thinking what’s wrong with that, it only adds to the fun! But for me the problem is that I DON’T GET TO PLAY THE STORY FOR WHICH THE STUPID GAME WAS MADE!! By the time I’ll be done doing all the crazy shizz this game has put on its map my children would’ve grown old and I would’ve become a grandma! Fine, I’m exaggerating but it must tell you how exasperating it actually is.

7. Game Loading Time Too Long
Whether I start the game or even Fast Travel to a nearby location, it takes exactly a whole 2 minutes for the game to load. My time is precious for me, and I hate spending it staring at a black screen like an idiot.

8: No Matter How Much Health You Have, You’re Gonna Get Your Arse Handed To You!
I spent so much money and Assassin points on upgrading my character and making him stronger and less vulnerable to damage, and yet in every fight it only takes two strikes of a sword for Arno to die and rot in Animus Hell!

9: Can’t Go On For More Than 5 Seconds Before Someone Notices You And Runs After to Shoot You Down
Wow! Pretty solid Stealth System! Where you can’t go anywhere without someone chasing you and trying to kill you! I’ve tried everything, but I just can’t seem to escape that horrendous BEEP sound and getting my map all Yellow or Red, and a bunch of dimwits running after me and using me for their target practice.

10. Please No More Map Synchronizations
Synchronizing the map must be one of the most pathetic obstacles the developers put in our path to a smooth gameplay. WHY can’t you give us a fully synchronized map at the beginning?? WHY do I have to spend a whole week running crazily all across the huge city and risking my life just to climb some stupid building and then jump-off of it?? Please, please I beg of you, in the future AC games please stop doing this to us 😥 Or better yet, STOP MAKING THE SAME COPY-PASTE GAMES ALTOGETHER!!!

Assassin's Creed Unity Graphics

Other than being visually stunning, Assassin’s Creed Unity is a GINORMOUS disappointment.

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12 thoughts on “10 Things I Hate About Assassin’s Creed Unity

  1. abyssbrain March 20, 2015 / 1:26 PM

    The early Assassin’s Creed games are much better. I remember how AC Unity was hyped like hell before it was launched a few months ago…

    One more reason why I don’t like the newer releases of AC is that they are not optimized for PC. I rarely play with a console these days so I want my games to be optimized for pc…

    Btw, you still have a long way to go before tagging all your posts with “read more” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • A.B Mood March 20, 2015 / 7:24 PM

      AC Unity was super hyped up! Oooh parkour this and multiplayer that.. Now this franchise can’t excite me at all until they offer something new.. One just can NOT play the same game over and over again..
      And yess I knoww.. But my posts seem to run so long that’s why I’ve thought to shorten up my main page a little.. I have a tendency to drone on a subject.. And people’s attention spam seems too short nowadays for putting up with infinitely scrolling through a clutter of text.. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • abyssbrain March 20, 2015 / 7:43 PM

        Well, I’m done with AC if this trend of mediocrity continues, that’s for sure. When we are talking about over hyped games, who would forget about Mass Effect 3 and Diablo 3 lol

        Yep, the popularity of the internet is inversely related to attention span… so you see the point 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • A.B Mood March 20, 2015 / 7:47 PM

        I haven’t played Diablo 3 but Mass Effect 3? Ukkh why did I work so hard on it just to find out Shepard dies in EVERY ending!?! That was such a let down for me 😦
        And yes I do see the point 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • abyssbrain March 20, 2015 / 7:52 PM

        Then you are lucky if you don’t bother to play it. Many gamers have waited that sorry excuse of a game for ten years. Luckily, I’m just a casual gamer so it’s not a very big deal to me. But some people that I know who are very furious with that game 🙂

        And ME 3? That’s just a big waste of time IMO.

        Liked by 1 person

      • A.B Mood March 21, 2015 / 1:41 PM

        Thank God I’m also a casual gamer. I don’t take them too seriously.
        Honestly I prefer GTA V (or the whole GTA franchise) on all other games. You know why? It’s a great way to went out your anger 😛 Also it’s never serious and always has a perfect ending.

        Liked by 1 person

      • abyssbrain March 21, 2015 / 1:52 PM

        The story lines of GTA games are quite good and I also like how the franchise continuously evolving and becoming better in each of its new releases (though I’m a bit disappointed with San Andreas, but it’s just a matter of taste I suppose). The graphics and gameplay of GTA V is very awesome.

        Also, trolling some noobs in GTA V online is also fun 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • A.B Mood March 21, 2015 / 2:27 PM

        Exactly. Rockstar has always tried to make the next installment even bigger and better. San Andreas is also included in my somewhat least favorite ones. Vice City on the other hand is still in my Top 3 😀
        GTA V Online is amazing 😀 I’m still on Level 15 (and I’m probably one of the noobs) 😛 but the non-stop mayhem is just plain splendid!

        Liked by 1 person

      • abyssbrain March 21, 2015 / 2:39 PM

        I’m still stucked at level 42 at the moment. My aim for now is level 50 since I wanna unlock the Merryweather airstrike. Imagine the chaos that it will unleash 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • A.B Mood March 21, 2015 / 3:23 PM

        Woahoo yes I’ve seen it’s video and it looks pretty damn awesome 😀 But it’s targeting isn’t very precise. 😮

        Liked by 1 person

      • abyssbrain March 21, 2015 / 3:27 PM

        In terms of practicality, it sucks. But this is definitely good for trolling others 😛

        Like

  2. Jdeadevil December 14, 2015 / 8:37 AM

    Seriously, the game pisses me off on so many levels. First thing’s first, the story for every Assassin’s Creed follows the exact same over-complicated formula of giving you name’s you won’t remember and explaining how they’re relevant in one short cut-scene which you won’t remember. Result? You won’t remember a damn thing, so when Arno talks about going to see Le Parre, I’m thinking, who?

    Secondly the stupid combat mechanics. At first, I thought it was alright because it moved so fluidly,but for the majority of the time I hate it. I hated the introduction of guns into Assassin’s Creed, it only worked well for Black Flag, I have been on this assassination mission for so long now and had to retry so many times, because I can’t move an inch without some bloke with an obnoxious cockney accent shouting from the other side of the fucking map “Oi you, stop right there before I rip yer fuckin’ ‘ead off”, and then I have to roll my eyes and restart because I have exactly two seconds before I’m set in a police chase that’s impossible to escape thanks to the Call of Duty style guns with 100% accuracy for some reason. I wouldn’t mind the guns so much as long as they gave you a decent countering system like Human Shields, which IIRC, Black Flag also let you do. Not just, fucking, rolling endlessly which hardly worked anyway because of the guard’s ridiculous reach.

    Oh yeah and I agree completely about the climbing mechanism. Holy shit, half my commands are ignored, while half the commands I don’t press are registered. And when I’m being chased? Maybe I’d be likelier to escape if Arno wasn’t so busy shouting “Mummy look at me, I’m a monkey” while hanging from the door frame.

    I don’t think I’ll get Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate, this is my second attempt to play through Assassin’s Creed Unity without rage-quitting for so long I’ve forgotten the story; in which I’ve already done anyway because I’m so busy trying to do one fucking objective on this mission without being chased down by Call of Duty players in uniform. Also, Syndicate will be the third game in a row where all the Templars are obnoxious cockney speaking thugs. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind English accents, I have one myself because I’m English, but I liked it when the franchise at least had different accents for the characters; Ezio is still my favourite Assassin. The only character who doesn’t have an English accent in Unity is Rebecca Crane from the modern day narrative.

    But yes, the game is beautiful, it looks stunning and works flawlessly on my PC. It’s a shame the design mechanics were so fucking lazy.

    Like

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